As I was driving to Chipotle less than an hour ago to get a delicious burrito, I heard the following from Ron Santo on WGN Radio after Aramis Ramirez followed Derrek Lee's 7th inning home run with one of his own:
"Those back to back jacks brought me to my feet!"
Ho boy. Where do we start with this one? Do I even need to point out that Ron has no feet to be brought to? Or perhaps...
"***
Dateline: Chicago
Doctors at the University of Chicago Hospitals today announced a breakthrough treatment in the field of diabetes research.
'We found that for fans of Major League Baseball teams, a treatment of multiple home runs by their team provided substantial benefits in the area of finding and reattaching the missing body parts,' said hospital spokesman Dr. Jim Dugan. 'We first noticed a correlation when people started mysteriously appearing in the hand-and-foot waste bin and causing it to overflow. They scream like banshees when they wake up in a pile of random body parts, but once we find the parts that originally belonged to them and scrape away the dead flesh, they're pretty stoked. Plus, we can start wantonly removing body parts again!'
There was no mention of the effect of soccer goals on amputees - much to the chagrin of former Def Leppard drummer Joe Elliot."
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